Unaware Of Their Own Fear Of Intimacy?

Romantic, Hug, Togetherness, Embrace

If someone has the desire to be in a romantic relationship, they may discover that it is only a matter of time before they meet the right person. Alternatively, they may find that they are only able to get up to now.

The months will then pass and this area of their life won’t change, causing them to experience a lot of frustration. There’s even the chance that quite a few years will pass and this area of their life still won’t change.

Two Sides

It may then be as if they are playing their role, yet the world isn’t meeting them half way.

Fully On Board

It will have been as if they chose a destination and followed the perfect directions to get there, but they ended up somewhere else entirely.

Experiencing life this manner could cause them to feel that somebody, or something, is holding them back. Seeing couples could be quite tough for them, as it will remind them of exactly what they haven’t been able to experience.

At the exact same time, one may have been in a number of relationships but every time they may have been with someone who was unavailable. So, though they were using them, they would not have been able to emotionally connect to them.

They may find it hard to choose which of both of these experiences is more frustrating, or they may discover that being with someone who is unavailable is worse. The reason for this is that they could have got their Bat Droppings up, only to be brought right back down to earth again.

The Problem

If one has been with a variety of people who were not able to commit, they might believe that other men and women are people who should change, not them. Until they change and are prepared to talk about their heart, their life will not change.

Sooner or later, one could put this area of their life to one side and concentrate on other areas of their life. This area of their life is then going to be out of the control, and they will just have to wait till it changes.

Two Levels

The thing is, however, just because one says they want to have a connection and they take certain actions to make this happen, it doesn’t mean that each part of them is on board with this desire. Nevertheless, if they are only aware of what is occurring in their mind, what they do, and what they say to other people, they’re not going to realise this.

Deep down, in their subconscious mind, they might only feel comfortable with keeping people at a distance.


What this illustrates is that what’s taking place in their subconscious mind has far more control over their lifetime than that which is taking place in their conscious mind. When these parts work together, magic can happen; when they do not, it may lead to lots of suffering and pain.

The trouble is that when one is not aware of the effect that this portion of them is having in their life, it can be normal for them to feel powerless. Typically, what is happening’out there’ will be regarded as the problem.

The Main Need

This section of them will only allow them to experience what feels safe; therefore, if they’re unable to experience intimacy, it’s likely to demonstrate that this is perceived as something that’s a threat to their very survival. Now, it may be difficult for their conscious mind to understand how intimacy could put their life at risk.

The thing about this part of ones being is it may forget that it’s forgotten about particular things. So, though this portion of them may completely dismiss this as having no basis in fact, it doesn’t mean that this is true.

Emotional Archaeology

If one was to put what is taking place in their conscious mind to one side and to reflect on what happened during their early years, they may gain a certain amount of insight into their present challenge. They may realize that this was a time when their boundaries were not respected.

At this age, this could have been a great deal for them to handle, and getting close to other people would then have been correlated as something which was not safe.


As the years passed, ones conscious mind (head) would have slowly forget about what happened but their unconscious mind (body) would have remembered. This part of these does not have any sense of time, so it won’t be as though this is the way their life has been; it will be as though it is how their life is.

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